The Yes Man

   On the corner of third and stewart there sits an old man, a sign, and a box.  The old man sits in a lawn chair outside his apartment building by the name of " Building 200a. "  On the sidewalk he sits with his home-made sign and cardboard box.  The sign itself says " I will answer any question with a yes. " - and the box has written upon it " donate 25¢ for each yes I give. "  From time to time a man, or woman - mostly those who know the old man - stop near his part of the sidewalk to ask him a question, and if he replies with a yes - they toss in a quarter.

   The old man's name is Willliam.  He is fifty six.  He has no wife, and no children.  He spend the majority of his days working for other people.  One day while working for someone-or-the-other, William had a brilliant idea that he was worthless and did nothing but give out positive responses - and therefore became the person he calls himself now, on the sidewalk : " The Yes Man. "  It is William's idea that all people are " Yes Men " but that he is the first to admit it.  Everyone else is in denial, which is why he throws himself onto the pavement each day - accepting their questions.  To him, he is mocking them all.  He is showing them what they are, what they have become, and what they will forever will be.

   It is a Tuesday evening.  Six o clock.  The sun is begining to slowly make its way past the horizon, and the city is given an orange glow.  A man by the name of Thomas stops by the sign, as he does every other day at six o clock - and procures his question to The Yes Man.

   " Heyo, Ok - heres today's : If I had three apples and two oranges, and I gave two oranges to my friend, and two apples to another friend, then with the remaining apple - cut it in half and saved it in my refridgerator - Now - If I were to come back three weeks later to my fridge, assuming that it is a good fridge and keeps things fresh, would I still have an orange left to eat? "  Thomas, while saying this, shuffled around through his pocket for the quarter that he had specifically set aside in the morning while he was at work for this very moment.

   The Yes Man looks up at his frequent visitor and finds that Thomas is wearing a grey suit today.  Not that it was special, because every day he wore a grey suit to work.  Thomas is an accountant.  The Yes Man thought to himself that it was funny that Thomas never wore any other colour than grey, and dryly responded with : " Yes. "

   Thomas smiled to himself, tossed a quarter into the cardboard box, and walked up the stairs to the doors that lead into apartment building 200a.  The Yes Man said nothing more, and still continued to sit.

   When night came, at nine o clock, he got up out of his chair and tipped the cardboard box over, spilling the quarters onto the street where they rolled into a nearby storm drain.  He folded the sign up and placed it into the box, folded the box up as well - and then the chair.  With the box and chair in one hand, he walked up the stairs to his apartment in building 200a.

   Wednesday. eight o clock in the morning.  The Yes Man is sitting at his spot, and a woman dressed in a light blue buisness dress stops while walking down the steps.  She stumbles through her purse and finds the quarter, and then begins to ask her question :

   " Do I look stunningly beautiful today, dear? " she asks, intentively waiting for the response.

   " Yes. " it comes.

   She smiles, tosses the quarter into the box, and thanks him.

   The Yes Man thinks nothing of her.  He doesnt think of how she didnt pay any attention to that he had never opened her eyes, or looked in her direction.  He never bothered with thinking about how he had made her smile, and that she was wearing a light blue buisness dress.  Her name, Susan, didnt cross his mind - and that she was a dental assistant didn't either.  All he thought was that there was one more quarter for the drain.  He opened his eyes, looked towards the storm drain down the street, and smiled.  He closed his eyes once again.

   Four hours later at aproximately noon, a man in a car drives by the apartment building 200a.  It is a blue car, four door sedan.  A man and a woman are sitting in the front, and two children both under the age of sixteen sit in the back.  The woman holds up a map and is speaking in a raised tone of voice so that her husband, who is obviously lost and agitated,  can hear her over the two children in the back seat making noise.  The children are playing a game " I SPY. "  The Yes Man takes no notice of any of this.

   A few minutes after noon, the blue car drives by again.  The scene in the car has not changed, the woman still speaks in raised tones, the man still agitated and seemingly lost, the children still playing their game of " I SPY. "  One of the children states : " I SPY SOMETHING GREY! " - the other child screams at the old man and points at him.

   " THERE THERE THERE! " she screams.

   The old man does not open his eyes, and he takes no notice still.

   And still, a few minutes later, the car drives by yet again.  But the scene has changed.  The man, now sitting in the passenger side has a disgruntled look, more of deflated arrogance than of agitation, and the woman is driving.  The two children, who have been repromanded, sit quietly in the back seat without making a sound.  The car slowly passes by the man, and then pulls over to the side of the road, and stops a few feet down the road from The Yes Man.  A couple of words are said between the couple in the front seat, and - resisting his own body movements - the man opens the passenger door and steps outside.

   The man is wearing a plaid shirt, and blue jeans. He has short black hair and glasses.  He seems to be somewhat overweight, but he doesnt let that get to him.  He slowly makes his way to The Yes Man and sees the sign.  He reads it out loud to himself, and is confused.  He takes one more step closer, and then thinking better of it, turns around and runs to the car window.

   Words are spoken.  The woman yells. The man yells back at her.  A pause . . . Then the female driver opens her purse and retrieves from it a quarter.  She hands it to the man.  The man thanks her, and returns to walking towards The Yes Man.

   The short, black haired man who doesnt let his weight get to him stops in front of The Yes Man, and asks if he could give him directions to 774th Redmond St.  The Yes Man responds with a " Yes. " - and the man waits. . . .

   He asks again.  He receives again, a " yes. "

   Stumped, the man thinks to himself.

   After awhile, he gives up - and readies himself to throw the quarter into the box, and then stops.

   " Will you respond with a ' NO ' to this question? "  he asks The Yes Man.

   An eerie silence seems to ensue.  No birds are heard chirping, and for a moment the man could almost swear that he couldnt hear his own heartbeat.  It was a sickenening silence.  It was louder than any gunshot the man heard in his career as a Police Officer, this being his vacation.  They were up in the state looking for relitaves to stay with for the week and couldnt seem to find the road they needed. It had been the woman's idea, the vacation. And asking the strange old man for directions.

   Just as the silence was almost deafening, almost to the point of insanity - The Yes Man shifted a bit and opened his eyes.  He looked up towards the man, who seemed to be expecting a raging pack of wolves to come tear him to bits.  The Yes Man told him that he needed to take a left on a street named Freemen Ave, and from there go down two blocks to Winston 45th which would lead him straight into 774th Redmond St.

   The Police Officer on his vacation thanked The Yes Man, and tossed the quarter in.  He turned and ran to the car, opened the door with a swift movement - and hopped in.  The blue car then turned it's wheels, and drove down the street in the direction of Freemen Ave.

   The Yes Man closed his eyes yet again.

       It is a Wednesday evening.  Six o clock.  The sun is begining to slowly make its way past the horizon, and the city is given an orange glow.  Thomas stops by again - and presents his question to The Yes Man.

   " Alright now.  Say I have two daughters at the age of thirty two, now one daughter gets married and the other dies off at the young age of four.  So my one daughter grows up and at the age of seventeen gets pregnant and has a child, then at the age of twenty two, has another.  Their genders are male and female.  Now - lets say when my one daughter reaches the age of when I was when she was born ( that's thirty two ) - will I die in a horrible car accident? "

   The Yes Man looks up at Thomas, expecting to find a grey suit, and finds such. The Yes Man grins, and coyly responds with : " Yes. "  The coin is tossed, and it clinks against the other quarter that had been thrown in a little after noon.  Thomas makes his way up to the stairs and into the apartment building 200a.  A few hours later, when night falls - The Yes Man packs up his stuff and retreats to his apartment.